My Version of the Russian Tale “The Magic Ring”

By John Dobby Boe

The Magic Ring (Adapted from Alexander Afanasiev, the great Russian collector of folktales)

Once upon a time, there were three bachelor brothers who didn’t get along very well. After one big fight, they decided to divide their wealth. But the dividing was not fair, for the two eldest got almost everything, and the youngest got almost nothing.

One day when met in the street and began to talk about how it was time for them to get married.

“Easy for you to say,” the youngest said. “You’ve got money so you’ll get beautiful wives—and rich ones too.”

The older brothers snickered their assent.

“But what about me?” the younger brother went on.  When his elder brothers just laughed in response, he tried to laugh back at them: “If I can’t get a wife with money I’ll have to use my dick instead. Luckily I have one that hangs all the way down to my knees.”

The older brothers raised their eyebrows in mild amusement, but at that very moment, a merchant’s daughter walked by. She’d overheard the conversation and immediately thought to herself: “God, I would so love to marry a man with a cock that hangs all the way to his knees!”

She continued on her way home, but from that day on she could think of nothing but how to get that youngest brother for her own husband. Rich men came and went, asking her to marry them, but she turned them all down, much to her parents’ anger. She insisted she would marry no one but that certain young man she had seen that day.

Her mother and father tried to change her mind, telling her, “Don’t be a complete idiot! No one wants to marry a penniless peasant!”

“It’s not your problem,” their daughter replied. “You’re not the one who will be living with him.”

So she went and hired a matchmaker to get that young man to come and ask her to marry him.

The matchmaker went to the young man’s shack and spoke to him sharply: “Why to you just sit there like an idiot? The merchant’s daughter is in love with you! She wants to marry you! Go and ask her!”

The young man put on the best of his raggedy clothes and went to the girl’s house. The girl recognized him at once as the right man, the one with the knee-length dick.

Her parents didn’t want to allow the marriage, but she pleaded and pleaded until they consented.

You can imagine how she looked forward to that wedding and even more to the wedding night. But on that wedding night she quickly discovered that her new husband’s prick was if anything on the small side.

“You cheater!” she screamed in anger and disappointment. “You bragged about having a dick that hung down to your knees. But this one is no bigger than my finger. Where’s the big one?”

“Darling,” the new husband answered, trying to calm his new wife. “You know how poor I was before we were married. I had to raise money for wedding expenses—I couldn’t very well marry you in the rags I owned—so I pawned my prick.”

“How much did you get for it?”

“Not as much as I’d hoped—just fifty rubles.”

“Tomorrow I will go ask my dear mother for fifty rubles. Then you can go and redeem your prick. And don’t come home without it!”

The next morning, the young girl went to her mother and said, “I beg you, Mama, please give me fifty rubles. I must have fifty rubles, dear dear Mama, please, please!”

“But why do you want it?”

“Mama, my new husband, he used to have a prick that hung all the way to his knees, but to get money for the wedding he pawned it. The one he has now,” she whimpered, “is no bigger than my finger. We must get his old one back.”

Her mother sympathized with her daughter’s problem and gave her the fifty.

The daughter ran all the way back to her husband, handing him the fifty and saying, breathlessly, “Hurry! Go and get your big one back! We can’t have someone else enjoying it instead of us!”

The young man took the money but was hardly able to disguise his anxiety. He set off down the road full of doubt, saying to himself, “What the hell am I going to do? How can I ever get the big prick my wife wants?” No one in that era had even heard of penile enlargement, so the poor peasant had seemingly no hope. He just walked on and on and on—until he happened to run into an old woman.

“Hello,” he said politely, if morosely.

“Hello, sonny boy,” the old woman replied, looking him in the eye. “Where you heading?”

“With my luck, it doesn’t matter.”

“What’s wrong, honey? Maybe I can help.”

The young man looked at the ground and said, “Oh, it’s too embarrassing to tell.”

“Come on, sonny, you can tell me. I’ve heard about everything in my time.”

“Ah well, the merchant’s daughter overheard me joking to my brothers about how my dick hung down to my knees.  But she thought it was true, so she married me.  Then she discovered mine is no bigger than her finger —though she does have large hands for a little woman. She asked me what I’d done with my big one, so I told her I’d hocked it. Then she got the money from her mother and gave it to me. She said that unless I redeemed my dick, she’d never live with me, never sleep with me. And now God only knows what is going to happen to me.”

“I can help, already,” the old woman said. “Give me the money.”

So he gave her his fifty, and she held out a ring a ring: “Put this on—but only just over your fingernail.”

He did as she said, and his prick suddenly grew more than a foot long till it hung more than halfway down his left thigh. The young man was pleased, but he still pointed out to the old woman that his dick was not quite all the way down to his knee.

“Alright, alright already—push the ring down lower on your finger.”

The young man pushed the ring down his finger, and his prick began to grow and grow and grow, extending like a drawn rope, till it was more than five miles long. “Good God, Grandma, help!” the young man shouted in confusion, “This is too much of a good thing! I didn’t want a dick this big.”

The old woman laughed and told the young man to put the ring back just to his fingernail. “And then your schlong will be long, but not too long. Just keep the ring at the edge of your nail.”

He thanked the old woman warmly and started back home, pleased to imagine himself sharing the good news with his wife. He’d already walked a long way from home, but now he  had to walk the same long way back. Soon he grew tired and decided to take a rest. He went over to a clear little stream close to the road, then sat on the grass, eating some bread he had brought and drinking the cold water. After eating, he felt even more tired, so he lay down on his back to rest. As he lay there he decided, as most anyone would if given the opportunity, to play with his new ring. He put it on his finger just down to the nail, and his dong grew long—straight up into the air a good sixteen inches.

He pulled the ring all the way down his finger and his dick shot up five miles into the sky! He quickly pulled back his ring, and his thing shrunk to normal size.

He found that that he had much enjoyed this experience and so decided to repeat it. So he began to play (with himself), with a rhythmic repetition pulling his ring back and forth, watching his member wildly expand and then contract until, finally he felt satisfied, then sleepy. In his last waking moment, he pulled the ring off his finger and placed it on his chest.

As he lay there sleeping, a rich Baron and Baroness happened by in their expensive carriage. The Baron was looking out the window at nothing in particular, as one does on a long journey, when he noticed a sparkle of light. Then he focused in and saw a peasant sleeping by the side of the road, with this brightly sparkling ring just sitting there on his chest.

“Stop the coach!” the Baron ordered his man. “There is a peasant sleeping by the stream. Go and take the ring that he has on his chest and bring it to me!” The Baron’s servant, being a servant, did as he was told. And when the Baron had the ring, the servant set off again to driving the coach.

“Darling,” the Baron leered at his wife, “Look at the fine ring I’ve found! I’m going to put it on.” He quickly thrust the ring down all the way over his middle finger, down to his hand, and suddenly his dick started to grow, and grow, and grow.

Like a battering ram, in an instant it knocked the coachman off his seat, then dipped suddenly down, under the asses of the mares who were pulling the coach. The aroused mares broke into a trot, then a gallop, faster and faster as if pursuing that rapidly extending penis that went on for miles and miles until it seemed to melt into the horizon.

As the servant brought the runaway horses to a halt, the Baroness began to figure out that they had a problem. “Quick!” she commanded the servant. “Wake that sleeping peasant and bring him here!”

The servant ran to wake up the peasant, shouting out, “You, come with me, now!”

As soon as the peasant woke, he saw that his ring was missing and shouted at the servant, “Where the fuck is my ring?”

“My master the Baron has it,” the servant shouted back. “And it’s trouble.”

As soon as the peasant got to the coach, the Baron began to whine and plead: “I’m sorry I took your ring. Please help me.”

“Why should I?” the peasant replied, sizing up the Baron’s predicament.

“I’ll give you a hundred rubles.”

“Two hundred,” the peasant replied calmly.

The Baron gave him the two hundred rubles, and he pulled the ring off the Baron’s finger, shrinking the Baron’s giant prick into a teenie wienie.

And so the Baron rode off, grateful to again be unendowed, while the peasant hurried home to his wife.

His wife was waiting anxiously at the window and ran to meet him at the front gate.  “Do you have it?”

“Yes.”

“Show me!”

“Not out here. Let’s go inside.”

As soon as they got inside, the wife began to shout, “Show me the penis! Show me the penis!”

The man slipped the ring on his finger and his cock swelled up well over a foot long. He pulled his python out of his pants and held it towards his wife. “What do you think?” he asked smiling.

She gave him a big kiss by way of an answer, then said, “Ah, my darling husband, shouldn’t we be the ones who use your gift, not some strangers? I’ll make us a quick dinner and then we can go to bed and try it out.”

No one has ever thrown together a dinner as quickly as that wife did, and no couple ever ate a meal as hungrily. They ran into the bedroom without clearing the table, and he fucked her eight ways from Sunday. He filled her so tight that for days after she still felt as if it were still inside her.

One day while her husband was talking a well-earned nap underneath their apple tree, the wife decided to visit her mother.

“So daughter,” asked the mother. “Did your husband get his cock out of hock?”

“Oh yes, mother dear, and let me tell you, it is so big that after he fucks me, I feel for days as if his prick is still inside me.” His mother urged her to share all the juicy details, and with some pride she did.

As the mother listened, she was more and more seized with the irresistible desire to try out that remarkable prick herself. Saying she suddenly felt feverish and needed to lie down, she excused herself from the conversation and slipped out the back door.

She ran to her daughter’s house, where she found the peasant asleep underneath the apple tree.  He had his ring down over his fingernail, and his prick was standing there proudly, a good eighteen inches up into the air.

His mother-in-law couldn’t resist. She just had to mount her son-in-law and get that giant dick up inside her.

And so she did, gradually working her self up and down on it until she had accommodated its whole length. Unfortunately, though, she began to rock up and down with such strength that it caused the sleeping peasant’s ring to slide all the way down to the end of his finger. Immediately that prick shot up and up and up more than five miles high!

Meanwhile the daughter had decided to check on how her mother was feeling and discovered that she was not in the house. She knew her mother well and quickly figured out why. She ran quickly to her own house but was surprised to find no one there. Then she went outside and saw an amazing sight.

Her husband was still sleeping, but his erect prick went up and up until it disappeared into the overhead clouds. As she stared in horror, the clouds began to part and she could just barely make out a figure impaled on that giant prick.

It was her mother!

Then the breeze began to pick up, and her mother began to spin in the air like a weathervane.

As the daughter wondered how she might possibly rescue her mother, she noticed that a crowd of onlookers had gathered. Soon everyone was offering opinions on what to do.

Many thought there was only one solution: to get an ax and chop that giant dong down (as it if were a giant beanstalk). But others, and most vehemently the wife, objected: “That would end up killing both people!”

And so they could agree on nothing except to pray to God for a miracle, for it seemed that only a miracle could save that woman stuck up their twisting slowly in the wind on that giant prick.

All this commotion finally succeeded in waking the sleeper, who quickly realized that his ring was all the way down his finger and his dick was sticking up five miles in the air. The combined weight of his giant member and his ample mother-in-law was so great that he was pinned to his back, unable even to roll over to one side.

Very slowly, the peasant edged his ring toward the top of his finger, and his dick began to diminish. When he finally got the ring to his nail, his dick had shrunk to only  a foot or so—and he was amazed to see that his own mother-in-law was perched on the end of it.

“What are you doing here, mother?” he asked.

His embarrassed mother-in-law could only beg forgiveness and promise never to do such a thing again.

And she never did. Ah, but still she often thought back on that afternoon, with much shame and embarassment, yes, but with some secret pleasure too, for when she remembered she could easily imagine she was feeling once again that giant prick inside her. Often, when preparing dinner, or doing the wash, or getting ready to go to sleep, she would find herself remembering back to that time, that time when she had literally had a flying fuck.

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