Archive for March, 2010

Educating Boys

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

Educating Boys She was a college English teacher Of a certain age, Sexy and beautiful, Dressing like a cross Between a gypsy And a call girl. Once, near the end of a semester, Of a Freshman English class, One of her male students Couldn’t take it any longer. He had a courageous moment And at [...]

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The Piglet: 19th Century Norwegian Folktale (never before translated)

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

The Piglet One time this man got drunk and went to sleep by the side of the road with his dick hanging out of his pants in plain sight. Along came a young girl on her way back from town where she had bought grain for her mother. She noticed the man with his thing [...]

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“The Swollen Finger,” a Norwegian Folktale collected in the 19th century by Asbjornsen and Moe, never before translated into English. More of these stories to follow.

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

The Swollen Finger Once upon a time there was a girl who had a finger that was so swollen that she thought there had never been such a swollen finger in the world. She fondled it, she blew it, she kept it still, and she swaddled it as if it were a baby, but it [...]

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My Version of the Russian Tale “The Magic Ring”

Monday, March 1st, 2010

The Magic Ring (Adapted from Alexander Afanasiev, the great Russian collector of folktales) Once upon a time, there were three bachelor brothers who didn’t get along very well. After one big fight, they decided to divide their wealth. But the dividing was not fair, for the two eldest got almost everything, and the youngest got [...]

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Good Vibrations in the Afterlife

Monday, March 1st, 2010

When I die I want to be cremated And have my ashes Put in a dildo, For my widow To remember me by. I could fuck her After death If only I could find A combination Crematorium And sex shop.

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The Only Good Ism

Monday, March 1st, 2010

I don’t want Anarchism, Atheism, Agnosticism, Communism, Conservatism, Egoism, Deism, Fascism, Legalism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Populism, Positivism, Pragmatism, Scientism, Socialism, Spiritualism, Stoicism, or Transcendentalism. The only good ism is jism.

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The Best Business Plan Ever

Monday, March 1st, 2010

Had two new office managers, A man and a woman, Who were doing their first annual review, Where each agent would be asked About their goals for the year. And so Chuck, this supercool Motorcyle-riding real estate agent Was called in for his review. “What are your goals for the year?” he was asked. He [...]

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Mourning Judy

Monday, March 1st, 2010

Having been married for forty years I notice the stories people tell Of spouses’ deaths, How when the wife died, The husband died Within a week. I am sure too That if my darling Judy Were to die before me I would die Within a week. My heart couldn’t take The pain of the grief [...]

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